Take No Prisoners

All creatures came from God and therefore have a place in His kingdom. 

I believe that. I really do. 

But I'm hopeful that place is far from my celestial hut- should I merit even that- in reference to specific life forms. May deer frolic on my dirt floors and butterflies flutter about the straw roof. I would even find music in the occasion buzz of a mosquito or rattle of a diamond back. 

However, if I see even one cockroach scurry along the wall, I'll know I never achieved eternal glory. The roach and I are never being friends- no matter how many times Mikey tries to reconcile us. Since the day I moved into my little beach house in Rota I have had run ins with the aforementioned pests and every encounter has begun with Mikey taking a liking to them and calling them his 'friends' and ending in my finding a sturdy shoe and them meeting their Maker. I know Mikey is teasing me, but if he had lived through the horrors I have seen... I think he might be a little to shell shocked to joke. 

As a kid roaches were no big deal. We grew up in the middle of a cotton field with only two neighbors. I remember going out to feed the dogs and finding a few in their dog bowls. Per my parents instructions, I would flip the dishes over to get rid of them before putting food in. It didn't phase me. Sometimes you found cockroaches in garage and a mouse in the washing machine. That was life I credit my cool to my mom's example. She could stomp, squish, or break any germ filled creature that threatened her tidy house with never a scream or look of disgust. 

I blame of straying from the fearless view to straying from home. I was introduced to urbanization where the worst things are flies and dirty dishes. The older I got, the fewer I saw, and the more horror stories I heard about others encounters with the monsters from less tolerate folks. At one time I would have used a different adjective for the anecdote I'm about to tell, but the further from my roots I grew the less tolerant I was of the little monsters. 

Now I live in that  beach house I mentioned. It is ground level and easy access to you-know-who. I wasn't too worried about it. I wasn't going to let it live if I saw one, but I wasn't waging war either. That changed. Earlier this week- Saturday- I had come back home late from a potluck. I went to kitchen to put a few things away. I heard scurrying on the cabinets above my kitchen counter. I thought it might be a lizard- I've had a few of them sneak in. I looked up- followed the noise- saw the culprit- not a lizard. 

First: gross. Because it are on top of where I keep my food, not down by the feet were you normally see them. Second: no reason to loose your cool. You can handle this. I got my Raid and began to destroy the beast. 

I said beasts- that's right ladies, gentlemen, and hermaphrodites: plural. I knew I got one, but the other kept running around up there. I sprayed and sprayed and heard a small thump. It had escaped from the top and landed on my counter! I sprayed my bananas; I sprayed my pineapple; I sprayed my cast iron skillet; and finally, I sprayed that vermin until it flipped over on it's back- twitched a bit- and died. As I was cleaning up I heard little feet..lots of them. It was in my pan cupboard! I sprayed my cheese grader, I sprayed my Tupperware; I sprayed my deep dish skillet; and finally, I nail that little demon and put it on it's brown scaly back. 

Between fiends #2 and #3 I was cleaning up (not know about #3 yet) when I heard a very loud bang. My heard was already beating fast enough to keep time with a heavy metal band- now it was leaping like it wanted escape my chest and this nightmare. My nerves had a hard time believing it, but it wasn't a gunshot. I had doused my liter bottles of carbonated water in Raid and one exploded, hit the ceiling and spilled on the floor. I open and drained the others before a similar scenario could take place. Good thing, they were ready to wreak havoc and they did just that to face, arms and hair. 

That night I destroyed 6 cockroaches. My heart was pounding. I created a parameter of Raid around my bed and pleaded for divine help before falling into an uneasy sleep. The next night I annihilated another 4. I found one booking it down the middle of my hallway- not even bothering with the sides- so I chased it with Raid. I made a streak of it and laid so much on him when I finally caught up, that I nearly slipped and fell on my crack twice later that night while walking down the hall. 

I used to look on cockroaches with mild distaste. Not anymore- enemies until the bitter end. (Bitter on their part...and maybe mine too. I think I'm beginning to taste it in the air and it's not sweet.) 

I'm veteran now of a personal war the world will never know and I will never forget.

                                                                        Never.  

Magic and Covid in the Springtime

Like any self respecting heroine, I refused the offer of marriage the first time my fiance proposed to me. Unlike the classics, he didn't propose again. I called him up one night after watching Mary Kate and Ashley's "Billboard Dad" and told him I was ready to dive in. He was on a bus with his teammates headed to LAX to fly out to Fiji. He was elated! But he never proposed again. Despite sleeping though "North and South" and "Far from the Madding Crowd" he didn't realize a second offer was expected to be put forth. I blame myself. I never forced "Pride and Prejudice" down his throat. He rushed to Spain with a beautiful opal ring- simple. Just a gold band a round opal. It was exactly what I wanted. He gave me the ring- no big question attached- and a kiss. The opal fell out 3 days later when we went to get our engagement photos. We combed the beach, but we to allow it to 'rest in peace' and leave it in a place known as "100 metros". The next day we got a fake gold band for 3 euros from street vendor in Sevilla. It's currently resting on my ring finger as I type and it is the most comfortable band I could wish. I would hate to get another. 

A ring, some sunset picture and an announcement on Facebook- it was official! April 17, 2020 is my grandparents anniversary and was to become mine and Mikey's as well. Maybe Grandma June and Grandpa Pug wanted us to find our own special day. March 14 I got a message from work saying the USA Sectary of Defense had ordered all military to return to the city of their duty station and stay there until May 11. Very few exceptions could be made and it was made clear to me that our wedding wasn't one of them. Even if we wanted to elope there was no way to do it- Mikey couldn't get in the country! (We later found out Montana offers double proxy weddings to its residents and active duty military- but I am just slightly more romantic than to be married on the internet. This time I blame my mom for always having Pride and Prejudice playing.)

I got the news while at the Alhambra with my friends Jacque and Dena Weech. I was to return to the providence of Cadiz as soon as possible. We had planned to go to Italy and Madrid. But no more. Before heading back we stopped in Malaga to get our stuff from the Airbnb... and it was the end of the day so we spent the night there (I didn't want to drive at night through poorly lit roads). Dena and I got cheese cake from La Tarta De Madre de Cris. That was the last thing I remember tasting. It was delicious. What a blessing- the last taste in my olfactory's memory was a perfectly sweet and cheesy cake.

The next day I dropped Jacque and Dena off at the train station and went home to cry. I was sad enough that I had to say goodbye to people I love. The lose was aggravated by not being able to have the trip we had been planning, and postponing the wedding. 

I did not take the change to the wedding well. I denied it. I fasted that we would still be able to get married that day. Mikey and my family fasted with me. The date was symbolic to me- it meant a happy marriage like that of my grandparents. I had been very unsettled about getting married. I felt I had confirmation from the Holy Ghost that I could and it was be great... but I didn't know that I really wanted to get married. I wanted to do the right thing and everyone said this was the right thing. I also wanted to join the peace corps, get my doctorate, hike the Pacific Coast Trail (PCT), and not share my bank account! I wanted to flirt with everyone and be accountable to no one. I spent so much of my life thinking I wanted to get married, but when it came time- I really wanted a dog  and 401K. Being a party of one is fun! I'm glad I got to enjoy it for so long. 

Being able to finally say I would get married was difficult for me and when I found out I would have to wait I didn't think I could keep myself excited about it. I wondered if it was even the right thing to do. My stake president wondered the same thing- he almost didn't give my recommend. He thought I should wait until I was sure and not scared. I didn't think I would ever be able to move forward with out the fear in tow. 

That fear was crushing me. We decided to move the date to May 16. The Navy extended the stay in place order until May 24. The fear grew to cement around my legs pulling me down to the bottom of the Strait of Gibraltar. We decided to post pone the wedding indefinitely. 

Somewhere in the middle of the night after my friends left I woke up in sweat. I went the bathroom thinking I would vomit or explode out the other end. I sat on the toilet hugging my garbage can. No explosions from either end. I eventually felt better and went back to bed. The next day I noticed I could not smell the mushrooms, onions and garlic I had sauteing on the stove. I couldn't taste the peanut butter and chocolate chips on my spoon. I spent the next week trying to figure out what was causing it. I was doing saline rinses and taking vitamins. I tried local honey thinking it might be a seasonal allergy, even though I didn't feel congested. Nothing helped the ol' olfactory nerve. The vitamins probably helped in the long run.  

After about a week and 6 shifts at work my dad called me to tell he read an article that said lack of taste and smell could be a sign of covid19. I looked it up myself, called work and told them I wanted to get tested. They said don't worry about it. That wasn't a sign they were tracking. The next day I woke up to 6 missed calls and multiple messages. They wanted me to get tested. I suppose they changed their minds. They jammed a Q-tip into my brain, flew the test to Germany, and two days later the test result showed I was positive for Covid19. 

So I went into isolation. My stake president called, and was pretty gleeful that I was forced to postpone my marriage. He laughed and said it was God's will- I shouldn't get married if I wasn't 100% ready. I laughed too... but only because I'm a social laugher. 

My neighbors Denin and Linda Lopez got my groceries for me. My friend Mishel Flake also helped when I needed something extra. And countless other people offered- I wish I could list them all! Kathy Perrins let me play charades with her family on zoom and my command checked in regularly. People were looking after me. 

I was not. I was constantly thinking about me, but not great way- not in a helpful way. I had a 'why me?' attitude that melted into 'who cares if it is me?' and 'why bother wanting anything?' I didn't care if I got married or not. I didn't care what happened to me at all. My parents were very worried. My fiance didn't know how to help. I didn't care enough to worry. I still wonder how I could let something so small make me feel so terrible. I don't think it was really the repercussions of Covid19. I was scared about getting married and I didn't know how to feel better about it so I chose to feel nothing.

I had never felt so apathetic. Somehow after a while I decided I didn't want to feel that way. I did't want my parent worrying about me any more.  They had so much to juggle without my problems. I prayed and struggled and I got the inspiration to start a gratitude journal. 

Whoa. 

A lot of things had to happen for me to come back to life but I couldn't have regained consciousness if I hadn't started making a concentrated effort to be grateful. I turned around. I realized I was being blessed. I realized staying in isolation gave me more time with Mikey. He was in my time zone because he had just moved to England to play Rugby (which never happened thanks Corona shutting down the season). It was unfortunate he couldn't play but fortunate for us he could be so close with no where to be, just like me. We worked out in the mornings and had a date night in the evenings. We had Movie Mondays, Trivia Tuesdays,  Wishing Wednesdays (planning our futures) and other date alliterations I can't remember. Sometimes we read scripts together. We spent other nights studying new subjects like the 7 minute workout, Alpaca farming and earth shelters. We did Whole 30 together and a 100burpees/day challenge. I don't think I had ever been so healthy.

I would have not had the opportunity to spend so much time (through video calls) with Mike if not for my isolation. It was a blessing! Every week I had to go and get retested at the hospital and I would hope to be positive still so we would have more time together. I tested negative three times and each time I was relieved when the second test was positive. 

I was really enjoying my time at home but I was still only 65% interested in getting married. I felt like I could take it or leave it and if Mike decided he wanted to leave I would be fine. I wanted to manage my own life, travel, and be a free spirit! One night a couple weeks into isolation my lover asked me some tough questions, and I was painfully honest. Not that I ever lied before, we just didn't talk about it much. I admitted that I thought I would be fine without him and I wasn't so sure marriage was what I really wanted. I though it was right. I really cared about him. But I wasn't excited about the alter. So he said we should break up. I agreed. We cried. We hung up. I cried some more. I assume he did the same. 

I wanted to call my parents and tell them the wedding was off, but I couldn't bring myself to it. It would be so disappointing and they seemed to have a lot of stress to manage without me. So I read my scriptures, thought and prayed. It was my chance to choose an alternative ending. I looked up the peace corps. I though about dating again. I considered where I would go for school. But I did so listlessly. I didn't want to do those things without Micheal. Dreaming of a future together was exciting and made me feel hopeful. Planning alone was lonely at best. There was just no kick to it- white rice with not even  a dash of salt. 

The next morning- Easter Sunday- I was transcribing my Grandma June's journal. She was 18 and dating everyone in her world including my grandpa. In one entry she stated in reference to my grandpa " I wish I wasn’t so dissatisfied. I know he’s the best one". I related to that statement so well. Why was I so unwilling to be satisfied and happy? That day I focused on Christ, His Atonement, the gospel, etc. I really wanted to enjoy Easter Sundays with Mikey and our family someday. All other options sounded dull. I found for myself that I didn't want an alternative ending. I wanted to begin a life with the best man I knew: Micheal Paseka Te'o. I didn't think he would want to talk to me so I left him a message.

He did want to talk to me so he called me back. He told me he regretted the turn of events. He had begun scheming to come to Spain (no foreigners were allowed into the country), come to my house (no trains or public transport in operation to get from the airport to Rota), leave flowers on my front with a note indicating I should meet him at the beach (beach was off limits to everyone and I wasn't allowed to leave my house). The details needed so work, but the intention was great- it made me laugh and warmed my heart. We agreed what we had was worth fighting for and we both wanted to fight for it. The whole drama lasted about 15 hours. I'm glad I didn't tell anyone!

Things were really great when I started penning my reasons to be grateful. They turned wonderful when I converted the journal to "reasons why I love Mikey". I was completely committed now, and so happy. This is the point where we started making alliteration dates and being super cheesy with each other. April 17- the original wedding date- Mikey dressed up in a suit and tie, got flowers and recited a poem he wrote me. He puts the time in to make our relationship special. Sometimes I still have little doubts buzz around in my brain, but I swat them down like the annoying useless pests they are to me. 

I really enjoyed my isolation; however, during that time, I discovered that I had perioral dermatitis exacerbated by overuse of steriods from being misdiagnosed a few times. I stopped the steroids, and got a cream specific to the problem perscribed to me. My face was blistered around the mouth, creases, eye lids and nose bridge. It itched and looked awful, but I was grateful to find out about it and take care of it while I was alone. My car battery died and I couldn't get it fixed while was still positive, but I didn't have anywhere to go. The hospital sent a van to pick me up for my tests. I was fine. 

On 25Mar2020 sometime around 0330 I woke up from the brightness of the lighting outside, twice. The second time I notice the sound of water moving and thought it might be my portable heater- it tended to make bubbling sounds. I reached down to find the adapter and turn it off. I felt water. I got up walked to the door to flip on the lights- which were still working- and to see the water that was up a little above my ankles! It was murky, brown and sporting an occasional dead cockroach. I knew the water was coming from outside. I thought the whole town was flooding so I called my department head, LT Megan McKim, for direction. She was very much asleep and not being flooded. She notified the command and came over to help me. I made the mistake of opening the door to see what was going on outside and inadvertently opened the flood gates that I could not shut until the water outside and in were equal- which was about 1 1/2 ft of water, or up to my upper calf. 

I tried to save what I could. I made sure my food processor was on higher ground. I packed fruits and my grandma's journal; too many sweatpants and not enough t-shirts. At one point I open the bathroom door to see a my literature box floating around and a cockroach holding on with all it had to the magazine poking out highest from the box. I didn't realize it then but I have since spent a considerable time comparing that insect's life to my own. Both of wanted creatures- him with being a creature of the sewer and me with covid 19- him with brown hairy legs and long antenas, me with my perioral dermatitis- both of us confused and being flooded out, wondering how to survive it. Would we survive? Later I saw the box was knocked over the roach floating lifeless in the bathroom ocean. Hopefully he died. 

I however did not go down with that ship. LT McKim came and helped me use my reasoning to pack correctly and turn off gas and power. On the way out I rang my my neighbor Alex's doorbell and shouted his name a few times. I assumed he wasn't home because I didn't see the light come on. I later found out he woke up very confused and was hurriedly trying to get clothes on to answer the door. He finally stepped out of bed to find himself wading in his lake house. Across the street Linda and Denin had lost power and were trying to place things on higher shelves and figure out where they were going to go. I was really worried about them finding a place to stay and tried calling everyone I knew from church. Not many people answer their phones at 0400. They ended up finding a place on base so it turned out ok, was tough to leave them- but covid monster that I was- I had to be contained!

 

Lt McKim took me to the hospital isolation room where I did not sleep. I spent the time answering and sending calls. Bless McKim- she brought Whole30 compliant food from her home for me. What forethought and kindness! I could barely think enough to pack my toothbrush. My landlords got cleaners over that day and they started working on my house and my neighbor Alex's. McKim picked me up around 1500 and helped me gather things in my house, throw stuff out, and clean some. She then took me to the barracks where I was able to spend the night and use the laundry for free. I had all five washers going. Sorry to anyone else who had laundry that night. Thank you to LT McKim. She gave up her weekend, sleep, and manual labor to help me. The charity of it is not lost on me. 

Monday I was able to move back into my house. I still had covid19 so I had all the time in the world to work on cleaning. If it had to happen, I'm glad it did when I had the time to deal with the mess. Thankfully I had renters insurance, great landlords, and I don't own anything I couldn't surrender and be fine living without. I was able to save my Grandma June's diary and I think that was one of the few things I really wanted to preserve. I feel like I was pretty blessed. It wasn't a fire, I moved right back in, and I hadn't much to loose anyways. 

My perioral dermatitis was getting better. I was tasting and smelling a little bit more. My house might have mold, but it looked clean. I was feeling great. Mikey had one week left before he had to go back to the states. I would miss having so much time together but I got the feeling I was beating covid19. 

My intuition was on to something. The Saturday before Mikey left I had two negative tests It had been 7 weeks of testing positive I was free of our modern pandemic! At least physically- it continues to wage war on every other part of my life. I elated when I got the news from Preventative Medicine. First thing I wanted to do was buy my own groceries. Mishel drove over to jump my car. After letting it run a decent while I took my smurf blue panda fiat (Ping) out on the town. Right away something was wrong. Before getting to the open road I got out to inspect and realized my back tire on the driver's side wasn't moving. I had no idea what to do. I called Denin and Linda. Denin called a friend who gave some ideas that didn't work. It looked like I would need to get it towed- I was blocking out street. 

Linda told me I had the worse luck and not to argue with her. That whenever she thought to complain she would remember I had it worse. I denied it and said I did not and something would work out- although it was difficult to believe when I was so close to progress and I was halted 30 feet from my house. As we were looking over the car and trying to find a mechanic that would be open on a weekend in Spain (very rare thing) in the middle of the covid chaos, a couple of Americans passed by carrying a couch to the garbage pickup area. They came over to see what was wrong. They happened to be air force aircraft mechanics! Exactly the people I needed, and at just the right time. Heaven took notice of me. I was so grateful. They found my tire was so rusted it wouldn't move- probably from being flooded. They got me going and I was able to get some shopping done. 

The battery died again the next day, but with another jump, I was able to get it into a shop. Besides the weird smell from being flooded, Ping is doing fine. 

And so am I. I have grown and become more willing to let God direct my path. I have become more in command of my life and decisive in my choices. I notice the goodness more readily. I feel excited about getting married and bless to have Mikey by my side. I am more patient... 

But I really hope we can get married soon. I see people getting little civil wedding left and right and think "if only it were so easy..." but worthwhile things are sometimes a bit of work. Hopefully not much more work. Honesty, this virus has got to go. 

I have nothing more to say, but I am not satisfied with this ending. We still aren't married! I am still stuck in Spain. Not much has changed except my perspective and smaller facial rash. Which will have to be good enough for now. There is no really ending to eternity anyways- I suppose this will just be a brief interlude.

When this "I do" does happen- I'll be sure to fill you in. 

But until then

Wash your hands. 

1000 "Friends"

Humanity, I've done it. I've reached a status I never before thought to obtain. I've officially made 1000 friends on Facebook.

When I say I never thought to obtain this goal, I did't mean that I thought it was impossible for me. I just never thought about it. Why would I? Does having a certain number of virtual friends really mean anything about my social status or worth as a human being? Facebook seems to think so. Once I had finally clicked myself into that social bracket, the before mentioned social medium sent me this salutation:

Did you read what Facebook said about me? I made the world closer. I have accept people of all types. The type that want to turn Facebook into their political debate center. The type that only adds selfies they took in front of the mirror at the gym (or is that more of an Instagram thing?) The type only added you so that they try and sell you something (I swear if one more of you tries to add me to your "lipsense" group I will delete you- even if it means going down to 999), the kind that never posts and might be stalking you (but hopefully not- adding them is not never on purpose). In short, I have taken them all under my wing and accepted them for who they are. Why? Is it because I am so benevolent and open mind? No, it's because having more friends on social media makes me feel like I'm really somebody. I've made it in a way I never could in high school, college, work...really anywhere besides my mother's eyes.

Is that stupid? No comment. I haven't always been this way! There was a time I cared about real relationships. I believe that was about 145 friends ago. I still cared but I began to think about how the people with more Facebook friends seemed to be more popular in real life as well. At around 965 friends thing were getting intense, and although I didn't just accept every request, I was getting pretty animated about adding new numbers into my tally box.

999 showed up on my homepage and I was overwhelmed. I was so close, but yet so far. Because whoever friend number 1000 was could be just any old chum. This person had to be truly close to me. Someone I would remember forever. But who?

I fretted for days. One night at work I was pondering this question out loud and one of the corpsman pointed out that we were not Facebook friends. This was a pretty good person and one I felt it would be an honor to have as friend 1000. So he sent me the request and in front of a few friends at church I accepted to the sound of  their applause. (You think I'm kidding? People were clapping, I was running imagery bases and giving high fives. Fact.)

The next day I got online to take some photos of my significant number for this blog post and to my surprise I found I only had 999! Some bitter heart had the gull to unfriend me. WHY? What have I ever done in my life to offend them so terribly that they would deprive me of this moment?

It was scramble to find a special new friend. Fortunately there was someone close to me that I had only befriended in 3D- my surrogate mother here in California.  I sent a request, she added me. What a relief! With all the grief and pain in this world, at the very minimum I can find peace in knowing that I have some popularity in this world.

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night screaming in my head as the coils of loneliness constrict and suffocate my pour aching heart.

In moments like these there is only one thought that saves me- the one that gently soothes "There there little plebeian, you're not alone, you have a 1000 friends on Facebook!!!" The tentacles are released and I can breath easy again knowing that if anything were to happen to me I have plenty of buddies to...to... read about it on social media.

Because that's what my 1000 computer companions would do for me.

I just checked my Facebook...

I was so close. So close.

...*gasp!!*

What's going to save me now?!?!?

The Online dating series: To Plan Z and Beyond

And I'm back!

The desire to reintroduce the world to my 'inspiring' writing was recently reawakened. And by recently, I mean about two months ago- which is recent right?

I would have begun jotting things down two months ago, but I couldn't think of a blasted thing I actually wanted to share. Then it happened today as I was scrubbing dishes- there is one subject I have become very familiar with: Online dating. 

One might even say I've become 'expert', but that one person doesn't know what they're talking about, because if I was expert I would be blogging about engagement rings and fancy pillow mints. Gushing about my happily ever after. 

That is not a subject that will be broached for sometime- much to the dismay for my parent and their future grandchildren who are so anxious to get down here to Middle Earth.

Hey, it's not like I haven't been trying to give those little tikes a mortal body. Like I said, I have been playing my hand at internet dating. 

Dating via key pads and glowing screen was not my first choice, in fact it wasn't even a last resort, but when plan Z fails you gotta start using the Chinese alphabet. 

When did this all begin? How did my life come to this point? 

I moved to Carlsbad California. For those of you unfamiliar with the area it's a beachy tourist town home to hipster restaurants, hobos, billionaries, sand, ocean, and marines. Yes marines, but Mormon ones? Not so many. And the ones that are LDS are SOOOO amazing, but also enlisted (because I'm an officer they are taboo) and much MUCH younger than myself. This makes dating difficult. I love my singles ward, but it more like a family... a small family... and I'm one of the older children.

So now can you see why I should be writing profiles and gushing about my accomplishments on the web? If you can, then you are much keener than myself. I did not make this decision on my own.

Sometime in April I went in to see a member of my stake presidency to renew my temple recommend. Like the good man that he was he also took the time to ask about my life and specifically my dating life. At this time I was the 'new girl' (for the first time in my life and feeling pretty cool about it). So I had a couple leads, but nothing too promising.

During that that chat President Blunt (names have been changed for the amusement of the author) gave me some advice that I will treasure forever... or at least a long while.

He looked me in the eye and straight forwardly stated "Clara, you have a lot going for you. You seem fairly easy going, you have a testimony, and you're not too bad looking. I gave you about 2 years. You can be picky for 2 years then you just need to take whatever comes long."

No one had ever given me that opinion- thought I'm sure many thought it. I appreciated his words. He made himself memorable to me. But I didn't except the same from him. I was a member of a vast congregation and I wan't hurt that I wouldn't be set apart from crowd.

How wrong I was! The next time I saw him was the adult session of stake conference. He came down and after the meeting and asked me if he could set me up with some of the single men in the ward that he might come across.

    Side Note: I love being set up on blind dates. I really don't understand how blind dates get a bad         rep. Someone who loves you, wants you to go out with someone else they think are amazing.               HELLO, it's a great way to meet people that are interesting, fun, and build you up.

So on that note I was more than ready to accept the offer.

Unfortunately it did not bare fruit. The next time I saw President Blunt he regretfully informed me that once you get to my age the men come with more baggage than he thought I needed to be carrying. Now we all know that there are amazing men out there  with suitcases or free handed that are a little bit older and single. But Pres. B wasn't running into them. He made the suggestion that I try online dating. I have tried that before and I groaned inside at the suggestion.

"President Blunt, I've tried that before and it didn't go anywhere. I hate being on the computer all the time and it doesn't go anywhere!"

"I know, I know. But just give it a try."

(Eyes rolling and with an exasperated sight) "Fine. But give me one more month. If nothing happens after a month then I'll give it another chance."

"Alright, one month".

You might be able to guess what happened in a month. I got really into body surfing and nearly got paralyzed in the water. HA! Did you guess that? No? I didn't think so!!!

And no, I didn't find true love. I watched a lot of chick flicks alone in my apartment and sat in corners at single adults activities, but despite these efforts I was still...alone.

And so the the cyber adventure began! 

Which City are You?

Teachings from Revelations 2-3 as it applies to each city addressed:

City: Ephesus

·        What they did to please the Lord: They found out who were true messengers from God and who were not and continued to work without rest for God.

·        How they needed to repent: They needed to return to their first love- God.

·        Promised blessings: They would eat of the tree of life.

City: Smyra

·        What they did to please the Lord: They were poor in spirit.

·        How they needed to repent: They needed to not fear the tribulations they would pass through.

·        Promised blessings: They would receive the crown of life and not suffer the 2^nd death.

City: Pergamos

·        What they did to please the Lord: They did not deny the faith.

·        How they needed to repent: The performed acts of worship to other Gods and followed other doctrine.

·        Promised blessings: They would be given hidden manna.

City: Thyatira

·        What they did to please the Lord: They did works of charity, patience, faith, and service. They esteemed their brother above themselves.

·        How they needed to repent: Some needed to stop listening to a false prophetess named Jezebel.

·        Promised blessings: He would give them power over nations and give them the morning star.

City: Sardis

·        What they did to please the Lord: They live the Name.

·        How they needed to repent: They needed to be more watchful.

·        Promised blessings: They will walk in white with God.

City: Philadelphia

·        What they did to please the Lord: They kept God’s word and not denied His name.

·        How they needed to repent: They needed to remain steadfast.

·        Promised blessings: They would become a pillar in God’s temple and write His name upon them.

City: Laodicea

·        What they did to please the Lord: Not stated.

·        How they needed to repent: They were apathetic.

·        Promised blessings: They would sit down at God’s throne with Him.

These promises and blessings apply to all of us. It may not be that we need to work on all of them at once, but we ought to try to find which needs the most attention and overcome it. I feel that at times I am the city Laodicea. I am neither cold nor hot. I don’t brother to feel passionate with what’s right or wrong. Because my life is good I don’t seek change. I want to change that. I want to want God’s home with a passion that burns through my complacent 1^st world life style and have a heart that is willing to live in squalor or riches, whatever, so long as I can get back to God with as many people as I can carry.

Because getting back to Him is all that really matters (D&C 63:20; 14:7). It at least that is how we should feel. If I allow myself to become complacent then I would lose that focus and the blessing because I would no longer desire it. 

Mark Twain's Conversation

Dear Clara,

Some of my friends are saying that Mormons are not Christians because you believe that you need to do righteous works along with having faith to be accepted by God. My other friends claim that if I join the Mormons I would be denying Christ’s grace. How should I respond?

Your Friend,

Mark Twain

My Dear Mark,

I am so happy to see that you are finally coming to see the light and feel the Holy Ghost prompt you to learn more about the church.

I am also very relieved to know that you have friends, particularly friends who care for your welfare. Joining the church without ripping out their hearts would make the conversation process a bore and far too easy; however, they do deserve a band-aid, just as much as you deserve the truth. If they want to understand what you are really getting yourself into then you might consider reading these verses from the New Testament with them:

Mathew 7:21 tells us that lip service is not enough, if we mean it than we do it.

Mathew 19: 16-17 says that if we want to enter into ‘life’ we need to keep the commandments.

Ephesians 2: 10 helps us to understand that God created us to do good things.

Revelation’s 20: 12-13 stated that we will we be judged by the works we did written in the book of life.

Frankly Mark, they are right that the act will not save us. In the words of a fellow member in Christ : “Christ asks us to show faith in Him, repent, make and keep covenants, receive the Holy Ghost, and endure to the end. By complying, we are not paying the demands of justice- not even the smallest part. Instead, we are showing appreciation for what Jesus Christ did by using it to live a life like His.” (Brad Wilcox, “His Grace Is Sufficient”)

We work out our salvation because we love the job. We are showing Christ the surest form of flattery- imitation… or at least as close to imitation as our weak souls can handle. So yes Grace saves us, but only those who want to be saved- and those who want to be saved will show it through works.

Your Sincerest Friend,

Clara

P.S. I always knew you would come around.   

The Gospel Makes Sense, so Stick with It.

Apostasy.

Mormons hear that word a fair bit. I’d wager that that we hear most in these two context: The Great Apostasy, and

personal apostasy.

In case there are any non members reading this blog (which is highly unlikely) the Latter Day Saint (LDS) community considers the time after the martyrdom of the apostles the ‘great apostasy’. The authority to govern God’s affairs here on earth was taken with their deaths and no replacement was made by the apostles (who had the power).

A personal apostasy is when someone decides to leave the fold of God and make theit own doctrine or follow another teaching.

Each of us can have a personal falling away. Each of us may choose to not obey God’s commandments. If we do so than that is a personal apostasy.  It’s easy to do with so many churches proclaiming to be the right one. It’s even easier thanks to all the people who deny God’s miracles because science proves it away (or does it prove the existence of miracles?) And it is simpler yet with so many telling us that it doesn’t really matter what you do. There either is no God to condemn you, or if there is He is too loving to do so.

In the New Testament, through Paul’s epistle, we meet a saint who was preparing for the Great Apostasy and against the possibility of a personal apostasy. His name was Timothy. Paul gave great advice that would help all of us prepare against a personal apostasy:

•  Remember why God gave laws: for the sinner. Are am I perfect? No. Are you? Don’t kid yourself. Therefore we are not the exception to the rule.  (Timothy 1: 7-13)

• God calls His authority into service- not man. If there seems to be a conflict than with this and you're not sure if your leader was called of God, hold on to the doctrine you know to be true (even if it’s doctrine you’re not fond of). God’s servant will teach it with authority. (2 Timothy 1:7-13)

• Be a good Soldier and take the punches of the world. There will always be reason to break rank but if you are faithful and keep to your uniform (meaning be kind gentle, and Christ-like) God will recognize you as part of His army and add the medal of eternal life to your uniform.  (2 Timothy 2:1-2)

• Be faithful to the knowledge you have gained of truth and build on it. Seek for more knowledge and truth from your trust scriptures. (2 Timothy 3: 10-17)

• Share what you know. The other team is working hard to get followers- including you. Don’t let them fill your ears with their garbage. Be an advocate for truth. By doing so you will find others who can help hold the banner. (2 Timothy 4:1-8)

I have found that taking a hard stand to defend and honor what I do know helps me to accept and understand concepts or doctrine that I don’t quite comprehend. I have had moments when I needed to ask myself if being a discipline of Christ was worth the uncertainties and worth defending the aspects I didn’t comprehend. I think back to what I know. Jesus DID perform the atonement, Joseph WAS His prophet, the Book of Mormon IS true, and President Monson Is His prophet. So yea- it’s worth it.